Summer 2011

The Pastor’s Thoughts…

 

Recently we celebrated the 100^th birthday of our sister in Christ, Marie O’Shea.  While the celebration was lovely and the fellowship heartwarming, a small somewhat insignificant detail brought to mind a ministry that I think may bear some reconsideration in our church life.

 

On Sunday morning during the worship service I was impressed with the lovely flower arrangement on the Communion table.  I thought to myself: “It would be so aesthetically pleasurable to have a floral arrangement every Sunday morning.”  When I saw the same arrangement make its way to the Boelhouwer Parlor and then to the Demarest Gymnasium, I was reminded of the use of flowers to express different spiritual significance.  So, as a consequence of my observation, I raised the idea to our Consistory and they immediately began to recall the congregational history surrounding the Murphy vase.  After some meek laughter together, we agreed that a floral arrangement each week could be a symbolic reminder of the beauty of both our life with God as well as God’s beauty in nature. Sooo…

 

I am writing to encourage two things,  First, that someone in our congregation consider this as their ministry and take on the task of organizing the purchasing and placement of the flowers on a weekly basis.  Secondly, I write to ask you to consider making a contribution of less than fifteen dollars for a weekly floral arrangement for the Communion table.  A sign-up sheet has been placed on the church bulletin board for your choice of dates that may be birthdates, anniversary dates, memorial dates, or whatever the Spirit brings to mind.

 

The flowers could be taken home at the end of the morning, or left for distribution to a shut-in or hospitalized member or friend of the congregation.  This ministry could be done with little more than a telephone call or two and a couple hours a month, so it is designed for either the very timid or the very busy among us.  We’ll see who God brings to the task. Will it be you?  If you’re willing to commit to this ministry please contact the church administrator or Pastor Shepler.  We hope to begin the flower ministry on Labor Day weekend.

 

January 2011…  Christmas and Epiphany is about God becoming human, about the Divine condescending to us, or as the Bible puts it: “God with us.”  Basically, incarnation is a fancy word for the act of becoming vulnerable.  By taking our human form the Son of God allowed himself to become vulnerable to both human nature as well as human behaviors. “Though he was in the form of God, he did not consider being equal with God something to exploit. But he emptied himself by taking the form of a slave and by becoming like human beings. When he found himself in the form of a human, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” [Philippians 2.6-8]

As we begin the New Year, I thought perhaps it would be helpful for us to take an annual spiritual checkup as well. Every year in January I go for my annual check-up.  It is usually a whole set of probing questions and a few tests.  Well, barring the need for actual tests, I thought the following questions might prove spiritually helpful.  They come from a website I have used many times for my own spiritual well-being.  I hope you find the exercise helpful and beneficial.

 

What is vulnerability?  Vulnerability is:
* Feeling of being exposed to emotional hurt, being taken advantage of or abused.
* Feeling of being fragile, weak or susceptible to emotional pain and suffering.
* Feeling of being trapped or imprisoned in a situation where your feelings and rights are ignored.
* Opening of oneself to the possibility of being taken advantage of by another person in a relationship.
* Relating of your innermost feelings and fears to others with the possibility that they might use such feelings and

    fears against you.
* Opening of yourself to the possibility of growing as a person in your emotional and spiritual dimensions.
* Allowing of oneself to search and probe the past for hidden or unresolved emotions, feelings or grief responses

   that lie at the root of current immobilized emotions, feelings or actions.
* Trying out of new behavior traits, attitudes or beliefs in the pursuit of personal growth.
* Unrelenting pursuit of truth and clarity about self through the requesting, encouraging and welcoming of honest

   feedback about oneself, even if such feedback is negative.
* Willingness to take chances and try new experiences, challenges or activities even though the outcome is unsure.

Why do people avoid being vulnerable?  Reasons people avoid being vulnerable are:
* Basic self-survival.
* Basic insecurity and lack of self-confidence.
* Lack of trust in self and others.
* Fear of the unknown or of uncharted waters.
* Lack of forgiveness and inability to forget past hurts, injustices and pain.
* An overwhelming need for personal privacy and confidentiality (illustrating insecurity).
* Denial, unresolved grief, self-deceit, lack of personal awareness or refusal to face life the way it is.
* Discomfort with change, lack of acceptance of change and unwillingness to change.
* Unwillingness to unmask one's true emotions or reactions to life.
* Lack of acceptance of self for who I am, what I am able to do, and who I am able to be.

How does the avoidance of vulnerability manifest itself?
* Constantly being on the offensive, attacking, blaming or correcting others; keeping the spotlight on others and off

   themselves.
* Avoiding participation in any form of "helping'' situation, such as an emotional support group, individual or

   family counseling.
* "Looking good'' and wearing a mask of "strength'' and "togetherness.''

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* Pleasing or placating others to keep their true moods, feelings or pain from being probed.

* Closing others out or shutting down themselves to put emotions on the rocks, freezing themselves.
* Silence, a lack of feedback to others, non-communicativeness, keeping true feelings hidden.
* Lacking emotional language, lacking the ability to tune into their own feelings of discomfort in emotionally laden

   conversations.
* Shyness, a hesitancy to meet new people, being a "wall flower" in social gatherings due to fear of rejection or fear of disapproval.
* Resistance to change, to altering habitual patterns of behavior, or to looking at things in life from a different

   perspective.
* Playing games that involve knowing the rules of body language in every form of social interaction, with the

    resultant performance of routines and scripts that fit the "game."

What are some beliefs of people who avoid being vulnerable?
* Never let anyone know how you feel!            * Always be strong in your interactions with others!
* Men never cry!               * Being over-emotional is a feminine trait that leads to becoming an hysteric!
* I am never going to let my guard down again!       * I may be down, but I'll never let them know it.!
* I have been hurt by others in the past, and I'll never let others hurt me again! 

* Spilling the beans (of my emotions) is always risky business!
* You are bound to get hurt if you open yourself up to another person.
* Dragging up the past serves no purpose.         * It is nobody's business how I feel!
* No one should have the right to probe into my emotions or feelings!
* Nothing can help me overcome the pain I feel!   

* I mind my own business and expect others to mind their own business!
* The old way of doing things is the best way!       * Maintain the status quo!
* Trust no one!          * I have no problems and even if I did, I'd never tell anyone!
* There is nothing to be gained by my breaking down emotionally!
* No one respects a weak person!  

* I don't care how you live your life and I expect you to not care how I live mine.

What are some benefits of vulnerable behavior?
The following vulnerable behavioral traits can be beneficial:
~Being open to new possibilities in life enables you to explore your options more freely and to gain insight into the

   healthiest and most productive, growth-enhancing alternatives for yourself.
~Being helped through a support group or counseling situation enables you to gain assistance, helping you cope

   with your life and circumstances that have had some emotional impact on your mental health adjustment.
~Opening yourself up to new social circumstances enables you to meet new people who have the potential of

   becoming true emotional supports.
~Not always pleasing or placating others, letting them see your negative side, enables you to feel less responsible

  for everyone else's welfare and takes the sense of burden out of your life.
~Not always being a "do for" person, letting others accept the responsibility to do for themselves, enables you to lift

  the weight of obligation out of your life. You can enjoy being with people, not feeling burdened or tied down by

  them.
~Using healthy communication, with good give and take enables you to clarify areas in which you need to grow, to

  change, improve and strengthen your relationships.
~Being open to deal with emotional issues gives you a chance to identify the blocked feelings and beliefs that have

   prevented you from enjoying full health and well-being.
~Letting others into your "emotional life space" enables you the opportunity to experience an authentic, supportive,

  growth-enhancing relationship.
~Tuning into your own feelings enables you to recognize your personal humanity and gives you a healthy

   perspective of yourself, your problems and your place in life. It enables you to be focused realistically as you face

   your problems and concerns.
~Being open to change and altering your behavior patterns gives you the chance to rid yourself of unproductive and

   maladaptive habits that impede your emotional health and personal growth.

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What behavior traits will help you open yourself to vulnerability?
* Trying new behaviors         * Taking a risk
* Initiating contact with strangers        * Tuning into feelings of others and yourself
* Willingness to get help for yourself     * Being open to receiving help and support from others
* Being honest with others and yourself when it may be easier to lie as to avoid conflict
* Accepting change when it comes your way    * Looking for deeper reasons or motives for your own behavior
* Self-disclosure of your weaknesses to others
* Being direct and precise about your feelings, beliefs and attitudes when discussing them
* Willingness to listen to honest feedback        * Dealing with anger in a productive, non-offensive manner
* Letting go of fears that impede your movement toward others     * Letting go of guilt or remorse over the past
* Letting go of hostility, bitterness and resentment toward others for past hurts
* Development of trust in others' good will       * Willingness to be seen as weak or emotional
* Accepting your humanness, failures and mistakes as OK

* Understanding the reasons you are risking vulnerability
* Feeling secure enough to admit your failings, mistakes and losses

Steps to increase your ability to be vulnerable and grow
~Practice gratitude.  List your blessings.  Express your gratitude to another person, to God, or to the universe.

~Honor the ordinary.  Accept the routine as Divinely sanctioned.  Don’t expect only the extraordinary to be the

   most joyful circumstances.

~Let yourself be seen. Allow your voice to be heard.  Express yourself respectfully – both for your self and for

   others.

~Love with your whole heart.  Let your guard down and the other in.  Take a risk and allow for failure.  Remember

   perfection is NOT protection – but wholliness!!!

~Accept that you have enough.  You have enough courage to be, enough knowledge to act, enough resources to

   make things happen, and enough faith to see it through.

If you are interested, you can read more at:

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14724-becoming-vulnerable/#ixzz1A0DyxEuw